The Sacredness of Sexual Intimacy

This week we have been talking about intimacy within marriage, and teaching children about intimacy. I believe that children should first be taught about intimacy in the home, and that it should be done at certain stages when the children will understand and appreciate more the sanctity of such relations.

As I was reading the articles this week in preparation for class I was taken back, and also a little frustrated by the fact that there are teenagers being taught classes on methods of preventing pregnancy. I strongly believe that the youth should be taught abstinence in an effective way, and that they should not be taught how to prevent pregnancy in other ways. By teaching these methods of prevention I feel like it is saying that "you shouldn't have sex, BUT if you do use a condom." It's giving youth that thought of "I'd better be prepared just in case I make a mistake." There's no mistake about preparing and using such things as a condom...a teenage relationship should never get that far. Rather than preventing sexual activity among teenagers with these types of classes, I feel that it is promoting sexual activity. Therefore, I would not want my own children learning things like that in school.

I know that it will be my responsibility when I become a parent to teach my children the doctrine. The doctrine, as stated in the family: A Proclamation to the World, is straight-forward and says "God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife." I do not see the harm in teaching children this doctrine from a young age. The family: A Proclamation to the World will be additional scripture in my home, and I will use it as a teaching tool from the time that my children learn how to talk. We will read it as a family, and discuss different principles. Of course, there are different stages in which children will understand certain things better. But, I believe that through prayer and careful consideration between husband and wife, these sacred topics can be taught effectively in the home and by doing so my children will have a better understanding and appreciation for the sanctity of sexual relationships, they will understand that it is not a bad thing, but that it is reserved for marriage between a man and a woman.

Communication in Marriage

In taking classes like family relations and others similar to it these past two semesters it has made me grateful that I am not yet married. Why? Because these classes have helped me to understand and prepare more for what is to come. I feel like it will be important for me to know all of these things going in to a marriage and that it will benefit me in the long run. There are so many things that I've learned which I never would have thought about before.

For example, I found it useful and interesting to talk about the different struggles that couples face in the beginning of their marriage. I know that there will be adjustments to be made, but with having an idea beforehand of some questions I can ask the man I want to marry and things I would like him to know about me will help us to know what to expect. In class it was brought up that sleeping habits can be the cause of contention or frustration in the beginning because some people sleep hot, some sleep cold, some like to snuggle, some like their own space. So even though this did not seem like something that would originally be important to discuss, I now know that it is! ha ha!  This is just one of many things to discuss.

It was also interesting to hear how much the average wedding in America costs...$20,000+. Holy crap! That's a lot. All I can say is, my wedding will NOT cost even close to that. Marriage has become more of a party rather than focusing on the actual ceremony and the fact that you are now united with someone else for eternity (at least from the Latter-Day Saint perspective). When I get married, I want my day to be focused on the temple and the sealing rather than everything else. It's the most special occasion that can take place in this life, in my opinion.

Communicating before and during marriage (especially in the beginning) is important so that both man and woman are on the same page. Effective communication requires effort, and understanding. Good communication is important to me as I prepare to marry. 

Dating!

So this week we talked about my most favorite topic...dating ;) Ok, so I must admit, I've been hearing a little TOO much about dating recently. But it's all good. Part of me wants to say that the whole concept of dating is going extinct...but then a part of me realizes that's not true. Dating does still exist, but maybe needs to be brought out a little more.

Something that I've heard a lot is that a date consists of the "3 P's...Paired off, paid for, and planned." I'd say it's definitely a good way to identify if you're on a date, since so many guys aren't very good about specifying whether they're asking you out or just asking you to hang out. Anyway, even though I had heard of these three P's, it was interesting for me to learn how they go along so well with the 3 P's for the Priesthood (I call it that for a lack of a better term). These three P's are protect, provide and preside. As I search for my future husband these are three very important traits that I am looking for. Someone who will protect, provide and preside over my future family.

Some characteristics I am looking for in my future husband...gentle, humble, patient, honest, temple worthy, hard-working. Those are just a few of the basic things I look for. There's a lot to be learned when dating, and something that I've learned is that it takes time. I really liked the "know-quo" from class and how it outlined the 3 t's-time, togetherness, and talk. The first one, time, is what stood out to me the most. We can't expect to really know someone right off the bat, it takes time, talking and being together to really find those things out.

Man and Woman-gender differences

This past week we talked about gender differences, and the roles that men and women take on. It's such a big topic, and there's a lot to consider and think about. Really, it's kind of hard for me to fully wrap my head around it. To me, I've always seen the different roles that men and women have from each other, but I have never seen one role as being greater than the other. For example, the family: A Proclamation to the World states that the woman's role is to nurture and care for her family, and the man's role is to provide, protect and preside. Man and woman also have the role of helping each other. I feel like men have talents and abilities that help them in fulfilling certain responsibilities or obligations, and likewise for the women. We are created different, in that we have different abilities. That does not make any one gender better than the other though.

When I have my own children I want to teach them about the importance of their roles that they will play as sons/daughters, brothers/sisters, friends, and husbands/wives. When we seek to understand ourselves and our own abilities then it shouldn't really matter what the world says about gender or roles. All that should matter is that we are reaching our full potential of what God sees in us, and of what He created us to be.

Culture and Class

The videos that we viewed in preparation for this weeks discussion on class and culture were very interesting. I feel like the society in which we live really influences how we perceive others, their social class, and their culture. Because we have all been socialized in different ways, it has become easy for us to look at others and judge them based off of what we feel is right and wrong, good and bad. I guess in the past I had never really taken the time to consider how this affects others; how the views of right and wrong can lead others to judge or be judged. It makes me wonder if things would be different if there was no judgement and if people just lived life how they were used to.

We watched a video about a woman, Tammy, who struggles to make ends meet. Her boys are embarrassed by how she dresses, and the home environment that they're living in. Tammy struggles to be happy because she wants to provide the best for her children, but can't meet the standards of those around her. How would life be different for Tammy if others believed in her and if she were able to live up to her full potential?

Something else that I found interesting in this week's discussion was today as we talked about the affects of immigration on families. On my mission I had the opportunity to serve around many people from Mexico, Guatemala, Honduras, Cuba, etc. I saw the affects it had on their families. Often times I would work with men who came here to provide a better life for their families. But where are their families? They're still living in their home country. They didn't realize until they arrived here that it would still be hard to provide physically for their families, but that it was even harder to provide for them emotionally. It definitely changes the dynamics of the family and puts a strain on relationships.

Families are special, and the family unit is important. The love that we feel within our families, as well as the joy of unity and connection cannot be replaced. It's not something that can be bought with a price. "The family is central to the creator's plan for the eternal destiny of his children."

Family Systems

     In class we have been talking about family systems theory. A systems theory is a theory that an intimate group must be analyzed as a whole. So in a family system we are analyzing the family as a whole, their interactions together, and how they function. What is it that sets one family apart from another family? The discussions have been very interesting regarding families and the way that they function. On Wednesday we came to class prepared with unwritten rules that our families had growing up; things that we automatically knew, or assumed, that we should/should not do. It was fun to hear some of the rules from members of the class and see how a lot of them were very similar to what I learned growing up.


      For example, some of the "unwritten" rules that I came up with for my family when I was younger, just a couple of fun things, were:
         1. If you want something, ask dad first because he almost always says yes and mom almost always says no.
         2. When mom leaves town, unless me or my sister volunteered to make the dinner, we would eat spam because that's what dad would make.
         3. Everyone had "their" seat at the dinner table, and if someone else sat there then an argument would ensue.
         4. If you were the first one awake on Saturday you got to choose the cartoons. "If you snooze, you lose" kind of deal.

        Those were just a few of the things I could come up with. It's interesting how in our families we are raised with certain beliefs, or ideas, about how things are done. We grow accustomed to our surroundings, and the way of doing things. As I have studied in my classes these past couple of semesters I have learned a lot about the adjustments that couples have to make when first entering a marriage. Both spouses grew up in different homes, different families, different lifestyles. It's not until someone new comes into the picture that they realize how different other families are. This is where the study of family systems can be helpful, as we take a look at the causes and effects of the family working together as a system.

         With the things that I have learned this week in class I can look at my family and how we interact with each other, the relationships that each member of my family has with another member, and the ways in which we function. I am grateful for my family, and the healthy relationships that we have. My family may be completely different from other families, but I love my family and I feel like the system we have in our family works for us and makes us happy individually and together. 

Children are a gift

This week there have been so many things that I have learned through reading the first chapter of "Marriage and Family," through research about employed mothers and statistics over the past few decades, as well as beliefs about child-bearing and fertility rates. It's a lot to sift through, but I'll just touch on a few points that I found interesting from my own personal study this week, as well as comments made in class.

From reading in the book I learned, or more so it was re-confirmed to me, that we are all "social creatures." Meaning, we all search for intimacy in our lives whether it be through bonds with family members or friends, co-workers, classmates, etc. When our need for intimacy is not met through interactions with others, we have the tendency to become lonely, or to feel isolated from desired relationships. The family is the closest and most personal way that we fill that need for intimacy. We communicate and interact with our families, in hopes that we can continue to have strong and lasting relationships. For our own personal well-being we look towards others for support, recognition, and love. Children and adults, alike, have a need for intimacy. It's through learning about this that helps me understand more the other things that I have learned this week.

For example, I spent two hours this week researching different articles, via the internet, about employed mothers; the effects it has on children when their mother works full-time, the effects it has on the mothers who are working, as well as the statistics from 1940 compared to now. The major and conflicting views that I studied brought me back to the whole idea of epistemology, or how we come to believe something. How was I supposed to know, as I read through 5 or 6 articles, which ones contained the most accurate information? After all of my study I came to find that while statistics are good, how we personally feel about circumstances, whether it be through our own experiences in the past or based off of personal beliefs, can be equally good in determining whether or not full-time employment for mothers is beneficial. For me, personally, I believe that the father's role is to provide for the family outside of the home and that the mother's role is to nurture and care for the family inside the home. It is my goal and my desire to be a homemaker, to raise my children at home, while my husband works. I know that this isn't the ideal for everyone whether it's because the woman feels she needs to contribute more to the family income, or whatever it may be. In the 1940's, it is reported that only 8.7% of mothers worked full-time outside of the home, while recent reports show that now there are between 70-75% of mothers in America working full-time outside of the home before their child turns one. That's crazy! 75%! Why the change? Based off of an article I found, entitled "The Impact of Working Mothers on Child Development," I found that some of the causes of an increase in women's employment between the 70s and 90s was that women began having smaller families, there was an increase in the number of single mothers, and there was a fall in men's real wage.

Why were women having smaller families? There are so many different views out there about how big the ideal family should be, why and why not have more kids, and how to provide for more than 1 or 2 children. In watching a documentary on BYU TV about fertility rates, I heard many opinions from different interviewees about how many children they wanted to have, whether family matters, etc. It was shocking to hear their responses. Most of the interviewees said that they grew up with just them and one other sibling, and that they would just want two children. Many others who were interviewed said that they wanted small families due to an inability to provide economically. Another view, by Dr. Ehrlick, was that babies are destroying the planet and that having 5 children is comparable to robbing a bank. According to him, if one person has 5 kids, they are taking away from other couples' possibility of having children. All I have to say about that is, if the planet hasn't been destroyed yet due to the number of babies being born and raised since he made his predictions long ago, then I don't think we need to worry.

I believe that children are a gift. The decision of how many children to have and when to have them should be left up to the couple, communicating with the Lord as well. Bringing children into this world is a divine responsibility and forming families is a beautiful thing. Research about families, children, etc. is interesting, but nothing can change my views on how important, as well as how special, the family is.

Beliefs and Truth

This week in class I learned a new word :) Epistemology! It is how we come to believe something is true. The past couple of days we have talked about different ways in which we come to know something is true. For example, we discussed things like experience, rationalism, the scientific method, emperialism (knowledge is based on experience), authority, and revelation. Ever since we were born we've been learning things. Some things we believed right away, and other things we had to think about more and really decide for ourselves whether we believed it or not. So what does this have to do with the family? Well, let me explain.

There is tons and tons of research out there about families. Research about marriage, adoption, abortion, same-sex marriage, parenting styles, children's education, children outcomes based on what type of home they grow up in, etc. A lot of times we look at this research and immediately think, oh, well they've got a PhD in such and such and they've had 20 years of experience in field work, etc. We assume that because they are so experienced what they are saying has to be true. But what if we're being deceived? What if there is something that we're missing?

The family is under attack. I have been able to see that as I have studied "the family: A Proclamation to the World." The first Presidency and the council of the twelve apostles gave us amazing counsel and direction, received by revelation. This declaration says that family is central to the Creator's plan for our eternal happiness. It does not say that God's plan was to send us here to fend for ourselves. Nope, we are meant to work together in a family unit. It's central to His plan. It also says that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God. Between man and woman.Why, then, has there been so much confusion in recent years? It all goes back to epistemology, how we are coming to believe something. Is the information that we receive always accurate? How can we help others to understand more fully the doctrines of the family, and the importance of family in God's plan?

The beginning of a great learning experience

Bro. Williams is GROOVY!! Ok, but really, in all seriousness...I hope to be able to learn a lot from this family relations class that I am taking. The family is important to me and I know that it is ordained of God. There are a lot of things to consider when thinking about family and the relationships that we share with one another. I look forward to being able to share my thoughts and ideas about what I have learned each week from my teacher, fellow classmates, as well as personal study/experiences.